We’re more than half-way home. Today is day 56 for me. Every day hasn’t been easy and every day hasn’t been convenient. There’ve been early mornings and late nights. There have been curses said and grumpy attitudes. There have also been beautiful sunrises and stunning sunsets. There have been moments of pure satisfaction. At least for now, for this long at least, I haven’t quit on the challenge or on myself. It hasn’t always been that way.
I was a quitter. Not the good kind of quitter. I couldn’t quit smoking. I couldn’t quit over-eating. I couldn’t quit abusing myself physically and emotionally with over-working, over-playing, over-commiting, and over-achieving. I couldn’t quit abusing myself spiritually by continuing to believe that I was at the center of the universe and that nothing that happened – N O T H I N G – didn’t somehow have something to do with me.
I couldn’t quit trying to manage and control everything and everyone in my life. Children, spouses, colleagues, employees, and friends were all subject to the absolute certainty of my thoughts and beliefs.
What I was good at quitting was the things that I shouldn’t have quit. I shouldn’t have quit on jobs just because my innate genius wasn’t celebrated. I shouldn’t have quit friendships just because my views weren’t accepted unchallenged. And I shouldn’t have quit relationships just because the pace and direction wasn’t wholly mine. But I did.
I quit believing that my life could ever be different than what it was. Well, that’s not exactly true. I never quit believing that my life could get worse. I quit believing that it could get better. I quit believing that I could be be thinner or fitter. I quit believing that the best I could be was not the best I had been.
This challenge isn’t just about movement. It isn’t just about commitment. It’s about learning who you are. Who you REALLY are. REALLY, R E A L L Y are. Not who your parents said you are. Not who your teachers said you are. Or your friends or partners or anyone else. It’s about finding out who YOU tell yourself you are.
I told myself I was a quitter. Right up until the day that I didn’t quit on myself.
Waddle on, friends.